im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
