She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
