so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
