dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
She announced her abortion via fbk
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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