I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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