That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
