I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
