I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Randomize
