woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
