this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
