i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
