morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You're a waste of cheezeits
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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