So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
