actually, I'm a sock model
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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