i barfeds in our rink
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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