this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
