i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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