I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize