Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
