Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
