His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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