I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
where am i from again
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
