Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize