I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
