My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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