Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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