I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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