I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
