Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
