you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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