He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
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