I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Just pee around me
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
