I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
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