You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize