when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
bring money and cleavage
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize