i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
love makes seman taste better
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
