you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
