Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I think i peed on brittanys purse
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize