Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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