So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
