He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
