Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
