My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
im about as happy as oj after his trial
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize