i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
