Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
