8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Too much gin, very little bucket
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
