halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
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