I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
