Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
