Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
