she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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