I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
