dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
