with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
