God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
