when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
