Michael Bay diarrhea
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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