I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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