sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
