I just cut my nipple shaving
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
