I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
