We're like a lot better than the average bears
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
