So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
