i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
