so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
