I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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