Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
