you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
