His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
