ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
