on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
