Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
