There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize