in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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