Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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