I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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