Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
