I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize