i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
