my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
