foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
