I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
