I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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