Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
