About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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