Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
