I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
