Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
