I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
