ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Panties = found
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
