The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You're like the curious george of whores
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
