The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize