I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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