i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
