How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
