Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Send help, water and tortillas.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
