Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize