I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
