Duck Duck Cougar?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
