He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
