dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
then he tried to convert me to islam
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
