By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
